Saturday, May 29, 2010

The Right Thing To Do

It's been awhile since I've posted, mostly because between taking care of Chelsea and my escalating health problems, I just chose not to make time for blogging. Depression also played a role in my decision not to blog, I just couldn't deal with one more thing that needed done. I decided to come back today to let all of you know about some major changes that are taking place. Over the last few months I escalated my attempts to get some sort of help caring for Chelsea. My requests were always met with a negative response. It seems there truly is no help in the rural area I live in. I spoke with the local chapter of the Down Syndrome Association and, nope, nothing like that here. I called Job and Family Services, sorry, no help here. One evening, I sat down and really took a long, hard look at the situation. I had just come from the doctor, where I was informed that if I didn't do something about my stress level, I would soon have either a heart attack or stroke. Great advice, but how does one do that under these circumstances? That was the question I had to answer, and answer quickly. I looked at my struggling marriage, my 18 hour workday, my house that never gets clean anymore, and that sweet child who doesn't get the attention she deserves, and made a hard decision. I called Child Protective Services. To cut to the crux of this story, Chelsea is being placed in foster care. Her new foster mom is someone who is a special education teacher, a trusted friend and who Chelsea loves intensely. She will be living a block away from me. She will have a brand new set of bunk beds for sleepovers and a new wardrobe. She will be spending a week at the beach every summer. Sweet Chelsea is moving on to a new and wonderful life, the one she should have had from the day she was born. I have cried until I can cry no more, but I am comforted by the fact that no matter how hard it is to give her up, it is the right thing to do. After some time has passed, I think I can then start to put my own life back together, although I don't know what that life will be, I will manage, and I will know that Chelsea is safe and loved. For those of you who have been supportive and understanding throughout the time of this blog - you are good people and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your support is so important to those who are struggling, and I know I'm not the only one. I was just one of the few willing to put my struggles out there for all to see. To those of you who were judgemental and full of condemnation, well, what goes around comes around; I wish you well. I may be back with updates on Chelsea's life, or I may not, but either way, I did the right thing.


rickismom said...

It takes a lot of courage and heartache to do this, I am sure, but you do need to take care of yourself. I am glad that you found such a good placement for Chelsea

Anonymous said...

It is funny to me as I read this at how positive this post is compared to your previous posts. Funny how now that Chelsea is not your responsibility that you are suddenly positive and how this is best for her, blah, blah, blah. Funny how although Chelsea is no longer your responsibility, you are still managing to make yourself a victim somehow. What about Chelsea, what did this do to her? I am grateful that she has a situation now that could be positive and beneficial to her, but she is still going to have questions about the life that she has lived for the past however many years. She is going to wonder where her parents are, grandparents, etc, she may even wonder why they don't want her anymore. How do you plan to remain a part of her life or are you just so caught up in getting your life back as you have said so many times in your blogs that you never bothered to think about this scenario? Oh that's right, you are old and have so many health problems, and you are poor and have too much stress that you will either die from a heart attack or stroke, right? I am curious, how is your stress level now? Probably the same because what I can decipher from your other posts, Chelsea was the least of your problems and definitely not the center of your stress. BEST WISHES CHELSEA, SO GLAD YOU ARE GETTING THE LIFE YOU DESERVE. And best wishes to you grandma, you did make the right choice.

Anonymous said...

I think Anonymous has no idea how hard it must be to care for someone in these circumstances. You did the right thing and I'm sure you will visit her and feel happy that she is well care for,

Anonymous said...

My heart bleeds for you as I read your blog tonight. I have a son with Down syndrome and I could feel your pain. Part of me sees that you made the right decision. I am sure it was the hardest decision you have ever made. As a single mom I worry about my son non-stop. Especially who will care for him while I work to pay bills. Summer time scares me, and I have been lucky. I thought I was done raising babies, as my other two are grown. I was all ready for life to be about me. Now it is all about him.
Do I grieve for that life I have missed out on of course I do. I would not be human, however he is an angel, a gift from god.
He is also a challenge. Behavior, and his development. Yet I face it day after day.
I understand the lack of support, as I do not have much here either. Our local group is so political that they forgot the reason they started.
So I face everything on my own.
If your health is the true reason for placing her in a foster home then you did the right thing.
I don't walk in your shoes, and I am not judging.
I only want you to know that you are not alone. I know it feels that way, but your not.
I all to well about stress, as I am up late at night advocating and trying to make a difference for families, for my family.

I understand you son went through a lot ! However, that is his child. He should be responsible for her.
As well as his new family, his wife.

My sons father was a drug addict, and and a very mentally ill man. My son does not have a father. I get angry when I hear about Dads giving up on their children. Leaving the mothers, and grandparents to bear all the stress.

Sorry getting a soap box here.
Let me end this by saying I hope Chelsea is happy. I hope that you get better and maybe someday consider bringing her home. I will pray for your son that he sees that he needs to be there for her.
I will pray for you all that peace comes to your family. You all have been through a lot.
God bless.