Friday, April 17, 2009
And the Easter candy just keeps on coming
This is going to be a very short post because I'm a very tired woman. Although I enjoyed the smile on her face when she got Easter candy, there are only so many times you can tolerate having to hose down a 14 year old every time she eats a piece of candy. How on earth does she manage to look like she rolled in a vat of chocolate when she never left the table?
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4 comments:
I am sorry, but as a mother of a 14 year old with Down syndrome-- and if you look at my blog you'll see that I DO tell it like it is---I do not go for the "oh they're SO loveable junk---
BUT I FIND YOUR BLOG VERY WEIRD
You complain about a lot of stuff, but you set your daughter up for failure. Examples:
1.How in G-d's world can you give your daughter a whole BASKET of candy to go through? On Purim holiday we get sweets too, but I had a talk with Ricki in advance, ands we made an arrangement where we could keep the stuff, and that she could choose a small amount from her stash each day.
2. Two years ago, when hiking in the Rocky Mountains (when Ricki was 12), we had NO problems. True, we went near no cliffs, but we went up steep mountainsides. My mom went in front, and I in back, with Ricki between us. She was always, say, in 10-12 paces of either of us, so she couldn't, say, try and run down a steep incline, but she did great.
3. Why do you can her a "little child"? She is not a child. She is a teenager, with all the wants and rebelliousness (probably) , that such an age implies. If you treat and talk to her as a child, she will act like one. If you treat her and TEACH her to be an adult, she will gravitate towards there.
Rickismom, thanks for your comments. The reading materials look to be a wonderful resource for myself and others in the same boat. I probably need to clarify a few things, though. First, Chelsea is not my daughter, she is my granddaughter. She was 9 yrs old when she came to live with us under emergent circumstances. When she was just 5 yrs old she witness her 3 yr old sister being murdered in front of her. At that time she was feral, for obvious reasons. My son (her dad) got custody and had her for the next 4 yrs until his wife left him and he was unable to cope with Chels on his own. I had two choices - let my grandchild go to state custody, or take her myself. She has learned and grown by leaps and bounds in the 5 yrs she has lived with us, but she has no judgement capabilities at all. We have had her in counseling, play therapy, etc. The whole purpose of my blog is to vent my frustration at having to raise a child at a time when my children are grown and I should finally be able to do some of the things I looked forward to doing in my middle age. As far as hiking with her, I am perfectly capable of keeping her safe, but I want to hike on my own and not have to worry about a child, like I am supposed to be able to do at 50 yrs old. And just to clarify one more thing, I did not give her an entire basket at once, I gave her the candy one item at a time over a couple of days. That was what was so amazing, that she looked like she had rolled in chocolate from eating one piece. And she had a blast, so that's all that matters. Again, thank you for your viewpoint, I welcome any suggestions you have.
OK! Gee, I see that you and Chelsea have been through a lot. I hope that the reasources I have listed will be some help for you!
The only thing I would add is that there is absolutely NO indication on your blog header that Chelsea is different from the regular 14 year old with Down syndrome. I agree with you VERY much that some blogs paint much too rosey a picture (I FLIP when people write that they "wouldn't change" their child's DS if they could). But , frankly to write that you are telling the "real story" about raising a teen with DS is streching the truth a bit. (More than a bit?)
I would guess that you should do the following (in addition to my earlier suggestions):
1. Look into respite care for once a year other than camp.
2. Decide with her school what things are the most important to work on, and work together.
3. At least once or twice a week, when she is in school, give yourself some time to do something that you enjoy (a class, a hobby, whatever).
BTW for 50 you look great!
I'm a not-so-pretty almost 55+ year old......
Thanks for the compliment, and I'm sure you're beautiful. Thanks for the suggestions. We do receive respite for 24 hrs, every other weekend. We live in a rural area and I have begged but it seems no other respite is available here. I do work closely with her teachers so that we are working on the same things. We communicate daily by a journal that goes back and forth with her every day. Her teachers are awesome and have been a great source of education and support for me. While she is in school, I am at work. My husband runs our small business and he cares for her until I get home from my regular job, then I help with the business, fix supper, get ready for the next day, go to bed so I can get up and start all over the next morning. I barely have time to have a cup of coffee before it gets cold, much less have time for something I want to do. I'm just a tired 'ol gal!
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